The things I haven’t learned

At the bright and ripe age of 24, I have successfully failed at marriage.

If you are new to reading this blog, you will probably take one look at the name and think to yourself ‘well, duh, why would you even GET married’. If you know me… You might be thinking the same thing, regardless.

I am countlessly asked ‘What happened?” And as someone who has never been shy about sharing, I can honestly say, in the grand scheme of things… I don’t know. I really, truly, do not know anything about marriage.

And I know that these are things that don’t need to be said. I don’t owe any explanation to anyone, nor do I particularly want to give one. But in the interest in continuing this blog with the honesty and integrity I started it with, with the deep and real belief I have that the more we share and talk about things, the easier they become to change. So here we go.

A lovely thing someone posted on facebook the other day:

“Being married does not mean your relationship has more value than someone else’s.”

Which carries something beautiful with it and is, of course, 100% accurate. The government knows nothing about your relationship. Some of the most malfunctioning relationships could exist within marriage and some of the most magnificent relationships could exist outside of it.

I did not fail without a fight… Probably too many fights. I wrote countless letters that were never shared, attempting to find some wisdom in repetitive insight… (I never did… or maybe I did. Who knows). When it comes down to it, I physically and emotionally had no more to give. My posture collapsed in upon itself, my eyes welled up with tears, I became useless. Even writing this my chest is constricting and I have a headache. I had reached the threshold of what I could give of myself in this particular relationship.

Maybe it was because, as my mother never failed to remind me, “I was too young”… (I think I will always be too young). Maybe, it was because my brain, overridden by countless Disney movies and hollywood chick flicks,  had very small amounts of other options of what to do when you are entirely consumed by love but to tie yourself to that person for your entire life. Maybe it was my over zealous spontaneity or confidence in my decision-making skills that marriage didn’t seem as daunting as it does now.

Whichever it was or is… I am okay with it. Of course. How could you not be. It was a relationship and relationships are so infused with love and beauty and consumption of wanting something so badly. Relationships are the epitome of the ultimate human expression, in whatever form that expression chooses to come out in.

There are so many other things that need to be said about being married and separating from the person who you existed in marriage with. There are so many moments that you ache for. There are feelings you wonder if you will ever feel again.

“I love your face. Like, so much so. Everything about it is something I find to be so appealing and handsome – a face I would want to spend forever with if I believed in forevers.”

In the painfully honest words of the most romantic teen fiction novel of our time:

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Beauty of Brotherhood

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In December 2013, Deej and I bused up to Peterborough to do a weekend of Body Pride as per a request of my younger sister.

Peterborough’s Trent University community is incredibly unique in a numerous amount of ways – the students buy most of their groceries at the farmers market held every Saturday, transporting local produce and cheese by bike even in the dead of winter, they cook ferociously and love to share with anyone around, doors are always open, and hugs are always plentiful. It is an ideal I know many of us only dream about, and these young people have put it into action.

There was one outstanding habit that they have acquired that I am in constant awe of – the ease of touching and communication between men.

It is not unusual to see piles of girls cuddling in social situations. We chatter about our feelings and wants and desires and often cry into the armpits of our friends. This would be a rare moment to catch between men, yet these Peterborough boys have perfected it. They hug at will and talk deeply upon need. The picture above is one of many that was shot at this particular workshop, and it continues to overjoy me.  To see so much love shared between humans without the filters of stereotypical masculinity. To embrace the feminine and masculine sides of us all and stop associating it with physical gender.

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Happy Naked Friday From Your Naked Ladies

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by | January 10, 2014 · 11:47 pm

Oasis Play Party hosted by I’d Tap That

As we dip into the naughtier side of life, we have partnered up with the amazingly sexy folks of Oasis Aqualounge to bring you I’d Tap Thats first official Play Party.

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What is a play party Caitlin? Well, dear naked being, a play party is a sex party. There are open rooms with large (clean) beds that you are able to openly engage in sexy time with those of your choosing, or to watch others play. There is one private room at the very top of the beautiful old building that you can sneak away to if you’d like to do things behind closed doors. There are wet saunas, dry saunas, a hot tub, and outdoor heated pool (you can’t have sex in the water, but you can definitely get butt naked). Stripper poles, porn, bars. We are having our own Willy Wonka handing out handmade (vegan friendly) chocolate. We are bringing in Kink pro Sarah L. to run a wonderfully detailed and interactive workshop about how to get started with a kink relationship. And there will be various live porn sets throughout the night!

If you are between the ages of 19-35 and have been wanting an opportunity to go to a sex club, this is a great opportunity as we bring out the babely people that come to CrushTO to get a little bit babelier. $15 entrance fee.

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What the next month looks like

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by | December 3, 2013 · 11:42 am

Where We Are.

Huhlo all!

I got an email a few weeks ago telling me I was #29 on the list of 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013. How flattering! I didn’t even know this list existed, but am ecstatic to be on it.

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Upon my return to Toronto, as I nakedly dived boobs first into this amazing world of sex-positivity I’d Tap That has brought together (I will be the first to admit how different life was for a whole year not being able to be a part of this). I literally feel like I am glowing daily and am so grateful to every person who I get to meet through this amazing community. Upon that, I would like to say a few things on the note of where we currently are:

1. Crush Parties (you can see the photos from the last one here)

1003005_575329462534898_1933907232_nThese are the events that I’d Tap That has become so well known for.

These are club nights. WHAT? The venue we hold them at, to avoid any confusion, is blatantly called ‘Club 120′. Now, lo and behold, I personally thoroughly dislike clubs and attending club nights. I enjoy myself a glass of wine and a table, the opportunity to talk and maybe the option of dancing if my booty so starts shakin’ in its seat… Alas, upon the change of venue last year, Crush became a Club night, and I’d Tap That became club night hosts. And… if I were to go to a club night, Crush would be the club night I would go to. BECAUSE ITS SO MUCH BETTER THAN OTHER CLUB NIGHTS.  Yes, the space is dark, the music is loud, booze is sold, people get drunk, much like every other bar in the city – it is a party. It is a sex-positive party. We promote queer-positivity, recognize gender-fluidity, accept polyamory and non-monogamy as legitimate life style choices, we remind everyone about consent, and how asking is sexy (we also are very aware of the fact that everyone in attendance is an adult, and with that comes the responsibility and accountability for your own actions) – how could these things not make any night out significantly better?!

2. Open Discussions, Puppy Love, SPIT and Body Pride

All this said, I’d Tap That is currently working on a number of other projects. We have started a series of Open Discussions, successfully opening dialogue and conversation on important topics in the sex-positivity realm. We have just become members of Trinity Square Video, a fully accessible, beautiful venue that we plan to begin holding our lower-key Puppy Love events at, as well as a handful of workshops and art projects (feel free to contact us to collaborate on this space!).

We are officially hosting our first play party (in tangent with our SPIT project) at Oasis on December 30th! And lo and behold, the next night is our first ever NYE party, held at, of course, Club 120.

While things are jauntily hopping along, I’d like to thank every one of our followers and those in this wondrous sex-positive and queer community for your support and your patience. Us Tap That girls have a lot of vision and goals for the future, but are stepping cautiously and slowly so that we can do things right and make sure that these visions and goals have long term effects. While we are a club night, we want you to know that one day we hope to be promoters and educators of so much more.

If you are just as interested in our cause and hope to see us move forward, there are many ways you can help!

1. Spit is SO CLOSE to launching and just needs $500 to get to where it needs to be behind the scenes. We have a few plans for this but none of them are immediate. If you would like to donate to Spit, or talk to me about investing, please send me an email at ck@tobeaslut.com

2. We need a couple volunteers to do some rather unexciting work. One of which is updating our website. If you have time on your hands and enjoy fiddling with layouts and photos of mostly-naked people, contact me. If you have a couple hours a month you would be willing to give, we have menial tasks such as handing out fliers and sending emails. We also take ‘safety people’ at every Crush party we have. For all of the above, email me for more information!

3. If you would like to sponsor I’d Tap That, please email ck@tobeaslut.com for a Sponsorship Value Proposition.

And lastly: Body Pride nights are still going strong. A couple shots from our last one of our beautiful nekkid beings just to make you smile!

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Lastly, after the last workshop, we took a detour to Butch Femme Salon for a wonderful end to a spectacular night. Butch Femme Salons are hosted by Belle Jumelles and Titus Androgynous. They are put on three times a year at Buddies in Bad Times theatre. I highly recommend staying posted for the next one.

1377344_584912154880082_1799121114_nphoto credit: Kristy Boyce from WhatDykeLooksLike

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Closets Are For Clothes

Hey you sexy, sexy beasts. Today is National Coming Out Day!! The amazing folks of the HSSE put together this super adorable and naked video to show their support, and I am so honoured that I was able to be a part of it! Keep an eye out for some more familiar faces in it as well ;)

 

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(StraightNotNarrow.ca)

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