It actually happened a week ago. But you know what’s funny? How much shtuff you have to do when you decide to have a wedding in two months… ALAS. Here I am, internet! Here I am. With stories, to boot!
Last week I got naked – as I do every week with a handful of wonderful and empowering women – but this time, dudes were involved. Caitlin! I hear you holler. YOU HAD AN ORGY?!
No, my loves. No orgies are to be had in any realm of Body Pride. Surprisingly, it was freakishly similar to our Girls Only Body Prides. When you get down to the nitty gritty of it all, boys have a lot of the same hang-ups that chicks do… they are just framed in a different manner.
What I took away from my experience hanging out with 3 amazing males and 4 incredible females was that it is a darned ass shame that we can’t just be naked together (without bumping uglies… unless its from dancing… interpretively…)
These are our last three groups of amazing girlies. And manlies.
Pretty amazing. I’d say.
I have a bucketload of really really incredibly hilarious jokey shots that I’m hoping to combine and do something with. Stay tuned for those bad boys. Okay. I have another BP starting in an hour and ten minutes. YES.
VULVA Original is the smell of a vagina in a small vial.
This product came out a few years ago. I am just discovering it now. My reaction?
No. Just no…
I mean, they get like maybe five points for the sake of hilarity and that fact that this is actually in existent out there in the world. But mostly just lots of no.
I’m into people liking weird shit.
I am not necessarily going to like it with you, unless I really like you and choose to go there with you, but otherwise – here’s to you! Let your freak flag fly as long as you aren’t hurting anyone and it’s consensual.
If you’re into smells and sniffin’ things – that’s cool. I love stickin’ my nose into a man’s armpit and inhaling like my life depends on it. No shame. Man pits smell like a delicious mixture of lumberjack and old spice.
Smell fetishes are actually a thing, too: Olfactophilia.
(But they pretty much have words for every fetish imaginable… Just find the latin name for the thing and add ‘philia’. Here’s a decent list of fetishes.)
So cool. Whatever, you’re into the way pussy smells. Like, big time. So much so that all of your dreams have come true when you discover that there is a company called ‘viva eros’ that has dedicated time and ‘cost-intensive research’ into creating a product that will allow you to PURCHASE the scent of a woman in a small vial that you can get off to at your desire. For your desire.
I could be okay with this. Really. I’d high five the company and be all “You guys are pretty epic and I cannot believe someone funded this project….”
But here is where it all goes downhill:
Knowing this, not only men, who intensify and satisfy their own sexual pleasure by their own smelling pleasure are our main target, but also women, who use VULVA Original to make themselves even more attractive by using the perfect vaginal scent.
Labiaplasty is becoming one of the most popular and wanted types of cosmetic surgery in North America. Doctors and specialists refer to it as ‘vaginal rejuvenation‘ – removing portions of ones genitals is also called ‘female mutilation‘.
To be clear – yes, I am very against any type of surgery to alter/’fix’/rejuvenate ones privates (unless it is reassignment surgery). To be clear – yes, I am against cosmetic surgery (unless it is for physical health purposes)/(this is the purpose of my Body Pride workshops, for every single woman who comes into my home to recognize how completely amazing they are AS they are).
You can watch a documentary called ‘The Perfect Vagina’ here if you’d like to get a better understanding of what I am talking about.
So when we are faced with another product that provides women with another way to hold disdain against their bodies – something for which they have no control over – I, for the life of me, cannot get on board.
If you gave 16-year-old Caitlin an open wish-list of the things she could change about her body… I don’t even know where I would’ve started. Tummy tucks to get rid of the ‘dip and rise’ factor of my midriff (my stomach is not ‘flat’ – nor will it ever be), liposuction on my arms and thighs, collagen for my lips, pubic bone reduction (because my pubic mound does not just flatly transition into my lower stomach) – the list goes on.
Thankfully, I began the ‘fake it till ya make it’ methodology of living very early. If you asked me when I was 16 what I’d like to change about myself, I’d have said: “Nothing”, because I wanted to be the confident, courageous woman I only imagined, and I wanted people to think that WAS who I was.
Which is the part that tears me apart inside, because I have had a few comments along the lines of “Well, yeah, if I looked like you I’d be naked on the internet, too.”
The ‘fake it’ method, it works. Use it. Because the place I never thought I would reach – I’ve reached it.
But I would’ve said the same thing six years ago. (Probably another HUGE reason why young women should not be allowed to receive cosmetic surgery – again, unless it is for physical health purposes or reassignment.)
If, at 16, I had known about this product that advertises the ‘perfect scent’ of a vagina… I likely would have never let a man gone done on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE ORAL SEX?!
Not too mention, HOW CREEPY IS THIS GUY?!
As a side note, I did try to think of a possible plus of this product other than a fetish thing, and one of the options I thought might be useful would be for post-op trans-women. If you are a post-op trans woman, and are comfortable speaking frankly on such topics, I would love to speak with you.
As I sit here in Starbucks, at 9pm on a Saturday night, waiting for my Fran’s shift to start, and eating a banana, I decided I wanted to talk about penises. Because this is what I think about every time I eat a banana… And so do most people. This is also why a friend of mine has extreme difficulty eating phallic-shaped foods in public.
I figured it was only appropriate, after having written an ode to the clitoris to at least touch upon the other spectrum of things. Except I’m not quite sure what to say about them. Penises, that is.
They are quite fantastic things, that is for sure… Not quite so mysterious as the female anatomy, but just as fun and promising of a good time.
Another friend (not the one who cannot insert oblong shapes into her mouth in public) (I’m also not making these people up… I feel ‘friend’ treads lightly upon the path of ‘this girl has no friends and is definitely just making shit up’ –instead of just flat out naming folks… You’ll have to deal and trust my narration) suggested I write about how to handle seeing a penis for the first time. Continue reading “The Eye to Penis Virginity Story”→