To Be A Slut 2.0

At 5, my mother asked me if I knew how to play the piano. I said “Yes, of course.” I had never touched a piano before in my young, naive life, yet remained boldly confident that my brain and hands would figure it out because where else would this information come from?

I also believed I could fly, speak several languages and that my younger sister was my personal stepping stool.

It’s possible this big-thinkin’ could’ve turned me into the child prodigy I never was if just maybe my parents had a little more faith that, DUH, of course I could play the piano without any training whatsoever.

(Also: flying? I have that shit FIGURED out so hard in my dreams that I can literally [*what meaning does ‘literally’ have within a dream context?] just START FLYING whenever I want. I can physically feel what it muscles need to move and now it’s like riding a bike. Gravity is much more flexible in my subconscious…).

I have no clue where this innate insistence on being all-knowing came from… A combination of having stubborn-as-fuck parents and the privileges I gained from being raised in a middle-class, white family, I’m sure. Anyway, I can’t play the piano and I do not know how to speak any other languages.

I did, however, carry this absurdly brazzen confidence into my teen years and early twenties. With a very small amount of information, I nixed my University education and delved forth into proclaiming myself a “Sex Educator”.

Now, this probably had about 20% more merit to it than telling people I am pianist… I had boldly bared my naked, non-sexualized bod to be eternalized on the internet, I had read maybe two or three books about porn and non-monogamy, I was having a rampant amount of sex (that I now recognized as confused and vaguely problematic) and I had a pile of self-assurance sitting atop my self-constructed pedestal.

Thus the birth of this blog. And ya know, it hasn’t been for naught and sometimes you just gotta start somewhere. But after 5 years of navigating this world I man-spreaded myself into, I can very accurately tell you I was usually not totally right, often mis-spoke and was poorly informed despite my best intentions.

At some point around 2 or 3 years ago, I recognized the immense amount of information I did not know and how irrelevant my voice was and that there were SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE that were doing a better job than I was and whose voices I valued more than my own on the topics at hand… And I kind of just shut up. Not totally… I still had the absurd amount of stubborn confidence to start a porn company and run queer events (neither of which I had had any training in), but my blog has kind of withered into a ghost of what it was: slightly relevant, humorous (at times), wrought with poor grammar and largely misinformed.

During the past few years, I feel it’s safe to say that I’m putting in the research and reading and learning to actually refer to myself as a “Sex Educator” – if I stand on my toes I can just touch it. And I do largely believe I MAY have something to add to the discourses happening and reach at least SOME people who don’t have access to listening to the same voices I do. But where is all of your ~educating~ happening, Caitlin? It’s a nice title and all, but how exactly do you think you’re informing anyone? Just hoping that the thoughts in your head permeate into the minds of those around the world? Yeah, neat. 

Thus, I will have to begin to write again instead of just sharing articles on Facebook and debating with people I know too well. And 19-year-old Caitlin is jumping in her seat because that tattoo of a quill on my back promising to ‘always be a writer’ might not just be a pretty design anymore.

To start, things I have begun to understand that I have not talked about in the past three years (amongst other things):

  • My own queerness and my own fluid gender expression
  • My preferred lovestyle and how to navigate authentically through that
  • Speaking up for myself in moments I have been taught not to – to hold space where I have often been ignored or undervalued
  • Intersectional feminism and how to actively be anti-oppressive to those who don’t hold the same privileges I do
  • My privilege & I are now very well-acquainted
  • What consent is. Slapped in the face with it and figured out how to be an active participant with it.
  • A deeper appreciation for bodies and minds that are different than mine and that I cannot be a spokesperson for anyone except myself.
  • My kinks

So, with this, here is my official “I’m back for To Be A Slut 2.0” and I’m going to be less wrong about more things. Hopefully.

Where We Are.

Huhlo all!

I got an email a few weeks ago telling me I was #29 on the list of 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013. How flattering! I didn’t even know this list existed, but am ecstatic to be on it.

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Upon my return to Toronto, as I nakedly dived boobs first into this amazing world of sex-positivity I’d Tap That has brought together (I will be the first to admit how different life was for a whole year not being able to be a part of this). I literally feel like I am glowing daily and am so grateful to every person who I get to meet through this amazing community. Upon that, I would like to say a few things on the note of where we currently are:

1. Crush Parties (you can see the photos from the last one here)

1003005_575329462534898_1933907232_nThese are the events that I’d Tap That has become so well known for.

These are club nights. WHAT? The venue we hold them at, to avoid any confusion, is blatantly called ‘Club 120′. Now, lo and behold, I personally thoroughly dislike clubs and attending club nights. I enjoy myself a glass of wine and a table, the opportunity to talk and maybe the option of dancing if my booty so starts shakin’ in its seat… Alas, upon the change of venue last year, Crush became a Club night, and I’d Tap That became club night hosts. And… if I were to go to a club night, Crush would be the club night I would go to. BECAUSE ITS SO MUCH BETTER THAN OTHER CLUB NIGHTS.  Yes, the space is dark, the music is loud, booze is sold, people get drunk, much like every other bar in the city – it is a party. It is a sex-positive party. We promote queer-positivity, recognize gender-fluidity, accept polyamory and non-monogamy as legitimate life style choices, we remind everyone about consent, and how asking is sexy (we also are very aware of the fact that everyone in attendance is an adult, and with that comes the responsibility and accountability for your own actions) – how could these things not make any night out significantly better?!

2. Open Discussions, Puppy Love, SPIT and Body Pride

All this said, I’d Tap That is currently working on a number of other projects. We have started a series of Open Discussions, successfully opening dialogue and conversation on important topics in the sex-positivity realm. We have just become members of Trinity Square Video, a fully accessible, beautiful venue that we plan to begin holding our lower-key Puppy Love events at, as well as a handful of workshops and art projects (feel free to contact us to collaborate on this space!).

We are officially hosting our first play party (in tangent with our SPIT project) at Oasis on December 30th! And lo and behold, the next night is our first ever NYE party, held at, of course, Club 120.

While things are jauntily hopping along, I’d like to thank every one of our followers and those in this wondrous sex-positive and queer community for your support and your patience. Us Tap That girls have a lot of vision and goals for the future, but are stepping cautiously and slowly so that we can do things right and make sure that these visions and goals have long term effects. While we are a club night, we want you to know that one day we hope to be promoters and educators of so much more.

If you are just as interested in our cause and hope to see us move forward, there are many ways you can help!

1. Spit is SO CLOSE to launching and just needs $500 to get to where it needs to be behind the scenes. We have a few plans for this but none of them are immediate. If you would like to donate to Spit, or talk to me about investing, please send me an email at ck@tobeaslut.com

2. We need a couple volunteers to do some rather unexciting work. One of which is updating our website. If you have time on your hands and enjoy fiddling with layouts and photos of mostly-naked people, contact me. If you have a couple hours a month you would be willing to give, we have menial tasks such as handing out fliers and sending emails. We also take ‘safety people’ at every Crush party we have. For all of the above, email me for more information!

3. If you would like to sponsor I’d Tap That, please email ck@tobeaslut.com for a Sponsorship Value Proposition.

And lastly: Body Pride nights are still going strong. A couple shots from our last one of our beautiful nekkid beings just to make you smile!

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Lastly, after the last workshop, we took a detour to Butch Femme Salon for a wonderful end to a spectacular night. Butch Femme Salons are hosted by Belle Jumelles and Titus Androgynous. They are put on three times a year at Buddies in Bad Times theatre. I highly recommend staying posted for the next one.

1377344_584912154880082_1799121114_nphoto credit: Kristy Boyce from WhatDykeLooksLike

ONE YEAR OF AWESOME

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Last May, myself and three other ladies began something incredible: Crush. Crush has developed into a place where everyone of any sexual orientation/gender identity can come and just be awesome. From the feedback we have received, we have accomplished creating a space free of judgment, full of love, and packed with half-naked beings.

With this, I invite you to come celebrate CrushTO’s one year anniversary with us on May 25th. I will be flying in from St. John’s (with my husband) to partake in the exuberant excellence of this evening and I could not be more excited.

And on another awesome hand, SPIT is prepping to launch July 5!! We are having a very sexy party to leap into the world of raunchy eroticism, but we need some support from you guys, to cover some of the fees of the venue and to pay our super cool web-developer, we need to raise some funds and we have set up an account with Indiegogo. This way, we can ensure you get awesome things when you give us your money (as well as a bunch of free porn).

OR, if you have no money, we would deeply appreciate you sharing our indiegogo page and talking us up a lot so that your rich friends will support us. OR, if you are just super interested in sex and porn and nudity and art, shoot me an email at ck@tobeaslut.com to talk about submitting your work/modelling!

SEE YOU AT CRUSH!!!

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Porn: A Billion Wicked Thoughts

Last month (holy shit my last post was a month ago… dammit summer! Quit distracting me!) I talked about porn for men and women and how we all think different and whatnot… This month: I shall paint you the picture of WHAT it is that is searched for in the pornolands of yesteryears. Or something like that.

All of the following information has been extracted from the work of genius ‘A Billion Wicked Thoughts’, so, if you have an issue with any of the data, go a knockin’ on their door instead of badgering me.

The most popular sexual interests searched for appear in this order: Continue reading “Porn: A Billion Wicked Thoughts”

For the Love of Pornography, Round 2

A while back (in December, when I was overwhelmed by end of term art projects and essay writing) I wrote an article about the effects of watching pornography on the neurological wiring of a person.

It is brilliant (because I wrote it…), but I think I missed a whack load of really important information that kind of needs to be taken in tandem with me telling you that watching mass amounts of gang bangs on the internet will sway your brain into believing it will need these images in order to get off (the evident down fall here is that, typically (and note that I do say ‘typically’ in understanding that there are very many different types of sex lives out there- you people are so finicky), your average sexual interaction is with just one other person, and unless you have a handful of horny, imaginary friends, it will be difficult to re-enact a gang bang while you are having interactions with just this one other (real) person).

But here’s the deal:
Porn ain’t going anywhere. Continue reading “For the Love of Pornography, Round 2”