Fire the flesh musket and dance the two finger ballet

Masturbation. MUSTURBATION. Mustard. Master of the bating. Musky bater. What awful sound links…

First of all, I would like to go ahead and jump the bandwagon and just reiterate how terrible of a word ‘masturbate’ is.

So, like all things that confuse or irritate me, I googled for a reasoning.

Wikipedia (and of all things wiki, take with a furrowed, critical brow) believes that ‘masturbate’ is a word derived from latin ‘manus’, meaning hand, and ‘turbare’, to disturb. Or even from Latin ‘manu stuprare’, which translates into ‘to defile with the hand’. How nice. Not exactly a positive connotation now, is it?

And it sits so awkward on the tongue, like you’ve just thrown up a little in your mouth.

I rarely use the stupid word (perhaps because I never feel as if I am ‘defiling’ myself…), a much preferred term of mine is ‘self-love’. But, as a couple of my male friends have pointed out, it sounds almost more like something your therapist would tell you to find within yourself, and therefore, is ineffective coming out of my sex-talk, gutter mouth, especially when I am referring to a much more… physical act.

Yet, I still feel like it is the most appropriate option. Continue reading “Fire the flesh musket and dance the two finger ballet”