Where We Are.

Huhlo all!

I got an email a few weeks ago telling me I was #29 on the list of 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013. How flattering! I didn’t even know this list existed, but am ecstatic to be on it.

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Upon my return to Toronto, as I nakedly dived boobs first into this amazing world of sex-positivity I’d Tap That has brought together (I will be the first to admit how different life was for a whole year not being able to be a part of this). I literally feel like I am glowing daily and am so grateful to every person who I get to meet through this amazing community. Upon that, I would like to say a few things on the note of where we currently are:

1. Crush Parties (you can see the photos from the last one here)

1003005_575329462534898_1933907232_nThese are the events that I’d Tap That has become so well known for.

These are club nights. WHAT? The venue we hold them at, to avoid any confusion, is blatantly called ‘Club 120′. Now, lo and behold, I personally thoroughly dislike clubs and attending club nights. I enjoy myself a glass of wine and a table, the opportunity to talk and maybe the option of dancing if my booty so starts shakin’ in its seat… Alas, upon the change of venue last year, Crush became a Club night, and I’d Tap That became club night hosts. And… if I were to go to a club night, Crush would be the club night I would go to. BECAUSE ITS SO MUCH BETTER THAN OTHER CLUB NIGHTS.  Yes, the space is dark, the music is loud, booze is sold, people get drunk, much like every other bar in the city – it is a party. It is a sex-positive party. We promote queer-positivity, recognize gender-fluidity, accept polyamory and non-monogamy as legitimate life style choices, we remind everyone about consent, and how asking is sexy (we also are very aware of the fact that everyone in attendance is an adult, and with that comes the responsibility and accountability for your own actions) – how could these things not make any night out significantly better?!

2. Open Discussions, Puppy Love, SPIT and Body Pride

All this said, I’d Tap That is currently working on a number of other projects. We have started a series of Open Discussions, successfully opening dialogue and conversation on important topics in the sex-positivity realm. We have just become members of Trinity Square Video, a fully accessible, beautiful venue that we plan to begin holding our lower-key Puppy Love events at, as well as a handful of workshops and art projects (feel free to contact us to collaborate on this space!).

We are officially hosting our first play party (in tangent with our SPIT project) at Oasis on December 30th! And lo and behold, the next night is our first ever NYE party, held at, of course, Club 120.

While things are jauntily hopping along, I’d like to thank every one of our followers and those in this wondrous sex-positive and queer community for your support and your patience. Us Tap That girls have a lot of vision and goals for the future, but are stepping cautiously and slowly so that we can do things right and make sure that these visions and goals have long term effects. While we are a club night, we want you to know that one day we hope to be promoters and educators of so much more.

If you are just as interested in our cause and hope to see us move forward, there are many ways you can help!

1. Spit is SO CLOSE to launching and just needs $500 to get to where it needs to be behind the scenes. We have a few plans for this but none of them are immediate. If you would like to donate to Spit, or talk to me about investing, please send me an email at ck@tobeaslut.com

2. We need a couple volunteers to do some rather unexciting work. One of which is updating our website. If you have time on your hands and enjoy fiddling with layouts and photos of mostly-naked people, contact me. If you have a couple hours a month you would be willing to give, we have menial tasks such as handing out fliers and sending emails. We also take ‘safety people’ at every Crush party we have. For all of the above, email me for more information!

3. If you would like to sponsor I’d Tap That, please email ck@tobeaslut.com for a Sponsorship Value Proposition.

And lastly: Body Pride nights are still going strong. A couple shots from our last one of our beautiful nekkid beings just to make you smile!

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Lastly, after the last workshop, we took a detour to Butch Femme Salon for a wonderful end to a spectacular night. Butch Femme Salons are hosted by Belle Jumelles and Titus Androgynous. They are put on three times a year at Buddies in Bad Times theatre. I highly recommend staying posted for the next one.

1377344_584912154880082_1799121114_nphoto credit: Kristy Boyce from WhatDykeLooksLike

From a Body Prider

“I conquered something tonight. I conquered a sheltered childhood, telling me my body should be a sheltered secret. I conquered an adolescence telling me there was a specific time & place I should have identified my sexuality. There are no rules, there are no specifications, there is just the body & how it feels, what it wants and when it wants it. I have conquered the shyness and embraced the body pride.”

Face Plaster and Other Strange Goop Bought From Drugstores

I have a curious relationship with makeup.

I was looking in the mirror just now when I had a very factual realization that I have not ever had before (and bear with me, because this might sound weird coming from the chick who has naked workshops about embracing ones body as it is):  I like the way I look without makeup.

For some of you, this might be a normal day-to-day occurrence, but I started wearing makeup when I was 14 and realized that my eyebrows were not only asymmetrical, but very sparse and lightly-colored. I had died my hair black at this point because I was hardcore and cool, and the only logical thought I had was that my eyebrows needed to match my hair. So, logically, I started filling in the brows (although, at this point, not well).
This. This is how they found their way onto my face.
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No… This is not actually true, but this is the only picture I could find of myself at this age with fake eyebrows. Below is a picture in the same time frame of me without eyebrows.
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Pretty sexy, eh? Oh to be 14 again.

Anyhow. The point here is that I was born with genetically sparse eyebrows, and no where in the vast space that is the media did I see someone who was rocking sparse eyebrows. Apart from this one point of focus, I also realized I had bags under my eyes, red skin blemishes, short eyelashes, eyes that were too close together, and a lack of cheekbone definition… Seriously… This is what went through my mind when I was 14. For some stupid, stupid reason, the day and age we are growing up in is tampering with our brains to get us to be as self-critical as possible as young as possible.

If someone had told me at 14 that one day I would eventually alter my appearance enough to resemble all those blonde, seductive movie stars I cut out of magazines, I would’ve thought they were cray-cray. Regardless, it is my particular belief that we are all beautiful despite and with our altered appearances. At this point in my life, when I dye or cut my hair, change my wardrobe or apply heavy makeup – it is because I am intrinsically enjoying the variations of self that I can have. At 14, I wanted to do it because I thought my natural self wasn’t good-looking enough.

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I think this is partially why I started running the Body Pride workshops. Because while Jessica Simpson is very beautiful, she is just one specimen of the human race. It’s an infuriating process to start to deconstruct the social constructs that have been building up in our minds since we gained access to magazines, the internet, TV and books. It is also a very slow process because they tend to only come one at a time.

For about 8 years I could not leave the house unless I had my eyebrows on. Which is a very silly thing to think, especially because no one but myself made this rule up. In tangent with this eyebrow rule, there existed a large period of time that I wore a considerable amount of heavy of makeup: primer, concealor, cover-up, bronzer, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, highlighter eyeshadow, eyebrow dust, mascara. You name it. Except lipstick. Lipstick and I never became friends.

Not only was this expensive and time-consuming, but also annoying. In my head, I had to apply all of this gunk to my face before going anywhere or allowing anyone to see me. And I mean anyone – my own family went months without seeing my natural face. It got to a point where, upon sleeping at a partners house, I left the bed in the morning to go apply all of this makeup again, fearful they would turn to stone if they saw me without my eyebrows on, god forbid.

It didn’t help that my first boyfriend had told one of our mutual friends that I looked like a bulldog. And we met at camp where makeup didn’t exist. That was nice to hear at 16.

I owe huge thanks to one partner who finally just told me to “Relax a little”. I took a few deep breathes, thought about it, and started to believe that not caring what you looked like when you woke up in the morning, was by far sexier than darting to the bathroom to apply a thick layer of foundation.

So, my life lessons thus far go along the lines of ‘if you are experiencing it, someone else definitely is’. Which is why I have made a post about this. For something that should not be a big deal, it has taken me years, a lot of confirmation (from a husband who seems to have a PhD in flattery), a lot of self-validation (confirming that people don’t actually cover their eyes and hiss when they see me bare-faced) and a puppy (you don’t have a chance to put yo’ eyebrows on when the pup has gots ta pee) in order for me to happily say, I like the way I look without makeup.

And while I do enjoy the wonders that makeup brings (can’t lie about the fun), there is this giant weight that has been lifting by removing this strange goopy rule that I had inflicted so early on myself… So, once again, baring it all, gooplessy yours.

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Few Updates: BP at CAYA and CrushTO Has A New Home!

First of all, I am happy to announce that the first Body Pride in the public sphere was a great success. Having not been there myself, I hear only from my naked whisperers, and all that is invading my ears are the reverberations of birthday-suit joy. For this, I would like to thoroughly thank the staff at Come As You Are for providing us an opportunity to reach more people and influence their perceptions in what small way we can.

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Secondly, after 8 amazing months at The Central, I’d Tap That is happy to announce that we have a new venue located at Club 120. I’d like to send a big shout-out to the Central for all of the memories and awesome times. You allowed us an amazing space to host incredible parties for the better part of a year, and I thank you for that. Each Crush Party I partook in ignited more love and appreciation for the sexy people of Toronto and I am thrilled to see how big our community has grown in the short span that we have throwing flirtacious shindigs.

All that said, we have an amazing evening planned for all of you wondrous beautiful beings and you should most definitely come enjoy a Sex On the Beach with us. January 26th, 10pm.

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Co-Ed Body Pride

So. It happened.

It actually happened a week ago. But you know what’s funny? How much shtuff you have to do when you decide to have a wedding in two months… ALAS. Here I am, internet! Here I am. With stories, to boot!

Last week I got naked – as I do every week with a handful of wonderful and empowering women – but this time, dudes were involved. Caitlin! I hear you holler. YOU HAD AN ORGY?!

No, my loves. No orgies are to be had in any realm of Body Pride. Surprisingly, it was freakishly similar to our Girls Only Body Prides. When you get down to the nitty gritty of it all, boys have a lot of the same hang-ups that chicks do… they are just framed in a different manner.

What I took away from my experience hanging out with 3 amazing males and 4 incredible females was that it is a darned ass shame that we can’t just be naked together (without bumping uglies… unless its from dancing… interpretively…)

These are our last three groups of amazing girlies. And manlies.

 

Pretty amazing. I’d say.

I have a bucketload of really really incredibly hilarious jokey shots that I’m hoping to combine and do something with. Stay tuned for those bad boys. Okay. I have another BP starting in an hour and ten minutes. YES.