Upcoming Body Pride: Friday February 17th

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To register, please visit: http://www.goodforher.com/body-pride-p/   or call Good For Her at (416) 588-0900.

 

Body Pride, Open for Registry

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Body Pride is a completely nude body image workshop I have been running for over three years. Each one consists of facilitated group conversation, wine, snacks and an optional dance party photoshoot! These workshops have integrally changed who I am as a person and how I relate to my body. I have learned and gained so much from every person who attends. They are really transformative, fun and beautiful evenings and I couldn’t recommend them more…

If you’d like to register, please contact Good For Her at +1 416-588-0900.

Next Body Pride

Spots are available at the next Body Pride workshop on Friday, May 22nd (7-11pm, $60)!! *There will be no cis-men at this particular one.

Body Pride is a completely nude body image workshop I have been running for over three years. Each one consists of facilitated group conversation, wine, snacks and an optional photoshoot! These workshops have integrally changed who I am as a person and how I relate to my body. I have learned and gained so much from every person who attends. They are really transformative, fun and beautiful evenings.

At 25

I turned 25 a little less than a month ago. Age is a strange and bizarre concept. At 12 I think I was older than my years. At 22 I was younger. At 25, I feel my age.

I feel my body taking longer to recover from hangovers. I feel my back getting crunchy if I don’t stretch during the day. I feel last nights bed-time french fries clinging and sticking to my insides. I feel my energy dissipating for particular sorts of interactions. My patience has both grown and completely gives no fucks when the situation calls for it.

At 25 I feel more alert to the fact that I am sharing so personally so globally. But I am struck by the ultimate goal I once had for this blog – to start a dialogue. So thrust forward I shall.

My penchant for states of mental intoxication is infrequent and often comes with a strict mandatory list of fulfillment before I can go down the road of “hey brain, you might not be back for a few hours”. My capacity for brief relationships and interactions is dwindling and I’ve come to realize how strongly I value one-on-one time with people.

At 25, I finally feel my body is my own.

When I was 19 I ordered “The Art of Seduction” online. I was ecstatic and embarrassed when it was delivered to my door. A young, awkward, and hypersexual teenager learning to seduce. Such a strange experience it was. Dolling myself up on a day-to-day basis, taking hours to pamper and dress myself before I could even leave the house. And when people would stare at me or men would hit on me, I would feel my eyes well up. Walking out of the bathroom from the Eaton Centre, a woman looked me up and down and verbally slapped me with “Well God, sorry I didn’t brush my hair this morning.”

Traveling to Scarborough for school, I would get hit on repeatedly by young men with the one liner of “Hi… Do you have a boyfriend?” and the only way I knew how to push them away was to say “Yes” and let the highly-acclaimed Male Respect wash over my new fan-base and leave me even more convinced that my body and appearance were not for myself, but for the men around me.

At 25, I know the difference. At 25 my relationships don’t change when I take my makeup off or wear sweatpants outside or get food on my face. At 25 I feel I have erased enough of this bizarre hypocritical life society expects of its young women. At 25 I have finally undone this engrained backwards thinking.

At 25, I understand how fleeting relationships can be because people are fleeting. You can never hold onto anyone because a person is not an anchor and often one has difficulty even holding onto themselves. At 25 I have learned sometimes it is ok if you don’t have enough energy to give. Some relationships are too drenched in history to unbury new kindling. Sometimes you can sit across from someone you’ve known deeply for years, and there is nothing you can say or do to resolve the personal conflicts you have both gone through together. I have been too loud to hear someone. I have been too quiet to have been heard. There is no possible way to resolve all conflict in all relationships. At 25, I am letting myself have “this is okay,” because if it’s not, I might not be able to anchor myself.

At 25, I breath deeply enough and have read enough Chopra, Mate, Tolle, Robbins, that I *hope* I can stand diplomatically and with open arms in the middle of a world that is very quick to shoot arrows and stay standing with minimal holes to my person.

At 25, I feel I have both lived 7 lives and lived none at all.

At 25, I both want to apologize to everyone I have ever unintentionally hurt and also reside in my bubble of stubborn, holding a mirror up to everyone I have fought with just so we recognize that we are just staring at ourselves. I see my own flaws so clearly in other people. I see my strengths, too.

My heart remains open, even though my head is exhausted. I sincerely appreciate and value the people in my life whose hearts are also open – it is an honor to be surrounded by friends and family who are so eager to give. I hope I am able to mirror your generosity.

At 25, I feel I have worked so hard just to go three feet forward and one foot back. And I think about all of the work that is still ahead of me and a part of me wants to lie in my bed nest with Max dog and just drink wine and fall asleep and a part of me has found the energy to keep going because passion or… something.

Here’s to my quarter-life crisis and the new sets of adventures this feeling of adult-hood will bring on.

At 30, I hope I will continue to laugh at myself.

Beauty of Brotherhood

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In December 2013, Deej and I bused up to Peterborough to do a weekend of Body Pride as per a request of my younger sister.

Peterborough’s Trent University community is incredibly unique in a numerous amount of ways – the students buy most of their groceries at the farmers market held every Saturday, transporting local produce and cheese by bike even in the dead of winter, they cook ferociously and love to share with anyone around, doors are always open, and hugs are always plentiful. It is an ideal I know many of us only dream about, and these young people have put it into action.

There was one outstanding habit that they have acquired that I am in constant awe of – the ease of touching and communication between men.

It is not unusual to see piles of girls cuddling in social situations. We chatter about our feelings and wants and desires and often cry into the armpits of our friends. This would be a rare moment to catch between men, yet these Peterborough boys have perfected it. They hug at will and talk deeply upon need. The picture above is one of many that was shot at this particular workshop, and it continues to overjoy me.  To see so much love shared between humans without the filters of stereotypical masculinity. To embrace the feminine and masculine sides of us all and stop associating it with physical gender.

Where We Are.

Huhlo all!

I got an email a few weeks ago telling me I was #29 on the list of 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013. How flattering! I didn’t even know this list existed, but am ecstatic to be on it.

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Upon my return to Toronto, as I nakedly dived boobs first into this amazing world of sex-positivity I’d Tap That has brought together (I will be the first to admit how different life was for a whole year not being able to be a part of this). I literally feel like I am glowing daily and am so grateful to every person who I get to meet through this amazing community. Upon that, I would like to say a few things on the note of where we currently are:

1. Crush Parties (you can see the photos from the last one here)

1003005_575329462534898_1933907232_nThese are the events that I’d Tap That has become so well known for.

These are club nights. WHAT? The venue we hold them at, to avoid any confusion, is blatantly called ‘Club 120′. Now, lo and behold, I personally thoroughly dislike clubs and attending club nights. I enjoy myself a glass of wine and a table, the opportunity to talk and maybe the option of dancing if my booty so starts shakin’ in its seat… Alas, upon the change of venue last year, Crush became a Club night, and I’d Tap That became club night hosts. And… if I were to go to a club night, Crush would be the club night I would go to. BECAUSE ITS SO MUCH BETTER THAN OTHER CLUB NIGHTS.  Yes, the space is dark, the music is loud, booze is sold, people get drunk, much like every other bar in the city – it is a party. It is a sex-positive party. We promote queer-positivity, recognize gender-fluidity, accept polyamory and non-monogamy as legitimate life style choices, we remind everyone about consent, and how asking is sexy (we also are very aware of the fact that everyone in attendance is an adult, and with that comes the responsibility and accountability for your own actions) – how could these things not make any night out significantly better?!

2. Open Discussions, Puppy Love, SPIT and Body Pride

All this said, I’d Tap That is currently working on a number of other projects. We have started a series of Open Discussions, successfully opening dialogue and conversation on important topics in the sex-positivity realm. We have just become members of Trinity Square Video, a fully accessible, beautiful venue that we plan to begin holding our lower-key Puppy Love events at, as well as a handful of workshops and art projects (feel free to contact us to collaborate on this space!).

We are officially hosting our first play party (in tangent with our SPIT project) at Oasis on December 30th! And lo and behold, the next night is our first ever NYE party, held at, of course, Club 120.

While things are jauntily hopping along, I’d like to thank every one of our followers and those in this wondrous sex-positive and queer community for your support and your patience. Us Tap That girls have a lot of vision and goals for the future, but are stepping cautiously and slowly so that we can do things right and make sure that these visions and goals have long term effects. While we are a club night, we want you to know that one day we hope to be promoters and educators of so much more.

If you are just as interested in our cause and hope to see us move forward, there are many ways you can help!

1. Spit is SO CLOSE to launching and just needs $500 to get to where it needs to be behind the scenes. We have a few plans for this but none of them are immediate. If you would like to donate to Spit, or talk to me about investing, please send me an email at ck@tobeaslut.com

2. We need a couple volunteers to do some rather unexciting work. One of which is updating our website. If you have time on your hands and enjoy fiddling with layouts and photos of mostly-naked people, contact me. If you have a couple hours a month you would be willing to give, we have menial tasks such as handing out fliers and sending emails. We also take ‘safety people’ at every Crush party we have. For all of the above, email me for more information!

3. If you would like to sponsor I’d Tap That, please email ck@tobeaslut.com for a Sponsorship Value Proposition.

And lastly: Body Pride nights are still going strong. A couple shots from our last one of our beautiful nekkid beings just to make you smile!

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Lastly, after the last workshop, we took a detour to Butch Femme Salon for a wonderful end to a spectacular night. Butch Femme Salons are hosted by Belle Jumelles and Titus Androgynous. They are put on three times a year at Buddies in Bad Times theatre. I highly recommend staying posted for the next one.

1377344_584912154880082_1799121114_nphoto credit: Kristy Boyce from WhatDykeLooksLike

From a Body Prider

“I conquered something tonight. I conquered a sheltered childhood, telling me my body should be a sheltered secret. I conquered an adolescence telling me there was a specific time & place I should have identified my sexuality. There are no rules, there are no specifications, there is just the body & how it feels, what it wants and when it wants it. I have conquered the shyness and embraced the body pride.”

Face Plaster and Other Strange Goop Bought From Drugstores

I have a curious relationship with makeup.

I was looking in the mirror just now when I had a very factual realization that I have not ever had before (and bear with me, because this might sound weird coming from the chick who has naked workshops about embracing ones body as it is):  I like the way I look without makeup.

For some of you, this might be a normal day-to-day occurrence, but I started wearing makeup when I was 14 and realized that my eyebrows were not only asymmetrical, but very sparse and lightly-colored. I had died my hair black at this point because I was hardcore and cool, and the only logical thought I had was that my eyebrows needed to match my hair. So, logically, I started filling in the brows (although, at this point, not well).
This. This is how they found their way onto my face.
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No… This is not actually true, but this is the only picture I could find of myself at this age with fake eyebrows. Below is a picture in the same time frame of me without eyebrows.
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Pretty sexy, eh? Oh to be 14 again.

Anyhow. The point here is that I was born with genetically sparse eyebrows, and no where in the vast space that is the media did I see someone who was rocking sparse eyebrows. Apart from this one point of focus, I also realized I had bags under my eyes, red skin blemishes, short eyelashes, eyes that were too close together, and a lack of cheekbone definition… Seriously… This is what went through my mind when I was 14. For some stupid, stupid reason, the day and age we are growing up in is tampering with our brains to get us to be as self-critical as possible as young as possible.

If someone had told me at 14 that one day I would eventually alter my appearance enough to resemble all those blonde, seductive movie stars I cut out of magazines, I would’ve thought they were cray-cray. Regardless, it is my particular belief that we are all beautiful despite and with our altered appearances. At this point in my life, when I dye or cut my hair, change my wardrobe or apply heavy makeup – it is because I am intrinsically enjoying the variations of self that I can have. At 14, I wanted to do it because I thought my natural self wasn’t good-looking enough.

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I think this is partially why I started running the Body Pride workshops. Because while Jessica Simpson is very beautiful, she is just one specimen of the human race. It’s an infuriating process to start to deconstruct the social constructs that have been building up in our minds since we gained access to magazines, the internet, TV and books. It is also a very slow process because they tend to only come one at a time.

For about 8 years I could not leave the house unless I had my eyebrows on. Which is a very silly thing to think, especially because no one but myself made this rule up. In tangent with this eyebrow rule, there existed a large period of time that I wore a considerable amount of heavy of makeup: primer, concealor, cover-up, bronzer, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, highlighter eyeshadow, eyebrow dust, mascara. You name it. Except lipstick. Lipstick and I never became friends.

Not only was this expensive and time-consuming, but also annoying. In my head, I had to apply all of this gunk to my face before going anywhere or allowing anyone to see me. And I mean anyone – my own family went months without seeing my natural face. It got to a point where, upon sleeping at a partners house, I left the bed in the morning to go apply all of this makeup again, fearful they would turn to stone if they saw me without my eyebrows on, god forbid.

It didn’t help that my first boyfriend had told one of our mutual friends that I looked like a bulldog. And we met at camp where makeup didn’t exist. That was nice to hear at 16.

I owe huge thanks to one partner who finally just told me to “Relax a little”. I took a few deep breathes, thought about it, and started to believe that not caring what you looked like when you woke up in the morning, was by far sexier than darting to the bathroom to apply a thick layer of foundation.

So, my life lessons thus far go along the lines of ‘if you are experiencing it, someone else definitely is’. Which is why I have made a post about this. For something that should not be a big deal, it has taken me years, a lot of confirmation (from a husband who seems to have a PhD in flattery), a lot of self-validation (confirming that people don’t actually cover their eyes and hiss when they see me bare-faced) and a puppy (you don’t have a chance to put yo’ eyebrows on when the pup has gots ta pee) in order for me to happily say, I like the way I look without makeup.

And while I do enjoy the wonders that makeup brings (can’t lie about the fun), there is this giant weight that has been lifting by removing this strange goopy rule that I had inflicted so early on myself… So, once again, baring it all, gooplessy yours.

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