So, I’m Getting Married

Well. Alrighty then.

If you told me a year ago I’d be getting married in August, I would’ve bellowed in laughter and then maybe would have made out with the cute waiter.

But here I sit, with a ring on a finger that declares to the world I am full-heartedly WITH someone, two months away from getting hitched. From tying the knot. From signing some legal documents and committing myself to a person who, for the last 4 months, I could see myself being with for the rest of my life.

The. Rest. Of. My. Life.

That’s a fuckload of a long time. Especially for the girl who, for the past 5 years, has undergone a journey through sexual deviancy and started a blog about why her sexual deviancy is so important. To the girl who spews information about polyamory, non-monogamy, and open relationships, I am about to embark on one of the most intense one-on-one commitments you can make.

Which is silly, because it’s just some papers and some words, but for some reason, and perhaps it’s the deep and heavy history of the thing (marriage, that is) or perhaps it’s the fact that every Disney movie ends in one (a wedding, that is) that this life-long promise is so daunting.

 

Why not wait?

Do you know how old you are?

You guys have only known each other for 4 months!

 

Frequent things repeated to me throughout my informing loved ones of my engagement.

“So, I proposed to Jake.” (That’s his name, by the way.)

I could just as easily say here: Jake and I have decided to wed each other. The reasons why I am specifying my proposal are:

1. I am not a gushed up sappy flood of estrogan who was woo-ed with rose petals, large and public announcements of lurve and a fancy diamond (although, if you are, here’s to you). He did not get down on one knee and open a small box and I did not cry. I tell you I proposed to erase this image from your mind, because it is immediately what I think of when I think of proposals. Which are not bad things, but I like to think I am here to break a few of the norms of how we understand relationships and sexuality: I am a self proclaimed slut, and this is how we do it.

2. My mother proposed to my father, and the parallels of these histories is a quirky coincidental thing that makes me chuckle.

3. It happened naturally in state of too much wine, serotonin and adrenaline after an extremely good turn out at our “I’d Tap That” event on May 27th. After a sentence escaped his mouth about how excited he was to know me when I was 80, gray and babushka-like, I smiled, knew exactly where he was coming from and said something very quickly and awkward, like: “I-don’t-even-know-if-I-believe-in-marriage-but-maybe-one-day-if-I-ever-did-do-something-like-maybe-would-you-maybe-want-to-do-it-with-me?” To which he quickly replied, “yes”.

 

Our lives unfold in a series of events. In every phase, you hope you know yourself a little bit better, learn from your mistakes, know exactly what you don’t want to do and try not to follow the patterns that led you down a path which you did not like the ending to.

When I first began seeing Jacob, I was also seeing about 5 other people – in celebration of my love for loving, I took pride in being a single chick and having my multiple intimate partners who I could go for dinner with, watch movies with, call for late night booty calls and still maintain a great level of friendship with. After my second date with Jake, I stopped seeing those people. I politely informed them that I would be unavailable for a while – I was caught up in something and I had to see how it unfolded. It just kept unfolding…

After the first month of seeing each other – I brought up a conversation about ‘what we were’. Neither of us was seeing anyone else, but both of us knew that we did not want to have a relationship. Each of our last relationships left us with this feeling. Each of our last relationships were incredibly valuable to our development before meeting each other, and to those people we dated before we became engaged, your relationships with us are also inextricably valuable to your evolution in your own relationships.

(There is this strange concept that ‘exes’ have this generalization of ‘not being good enough’ or when they hear about where old boyfriends and girlfriends are at now, there may be a type of evil laughter regardless of if they are getting married or if they are still single. This goes both ways. And I’m not sure why we do it in society, it’s become a norm. Maybe to make ourselves feel more comfortable in the phase of life we are in without that person? I’m not sure. But I do want to thank my exes, my boys, my partners. For however brief or lengthily we were together, I only wish you happiness.)

The conversation was concluded, awkwardly (because neither of us were very fond of being vulnerable), that we were each others’ “sidekicks”. We weren’t ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ or ‘lovers’ or ‘partners’. We were just sidekicks. There to hangout and give support when needed. Easy.

 

they bombarded me with this photo and i was too scrapbooky to refuse it…

Then another month went by and we went on a two day trip to Niagara Falls. Still getting used to each others company, still unsure about some things, still figuring it out. It continued to unfold. And there were a few moments in my head where I thought “I kind of just want to propose to him. I have no logical or rational reason for it. But I kind of want to do it.”

I didn’t. I asked Jake recently what his answer would’ve been if I had’ve asked him then (after two months of knowing each other), and he, very similarly to what my answer would have been, was “Probably yes, but I wouldn’t have had good reason for it.”

Logically, rationally, we may still not have very good reason for it – just that this feels like the path that we need to be going down right now. As I said to my father: “Who knows! Maybe I’ll be the woman who goes through ten marriages and divorces and then winds up with him again in the end!”

 

We cannot know. It is a silly thing to think you will know, and if you are always going by the logic that you are certain of the future, you will fail miserably. 

 

Why I am getting married:

The IDEA of a future in which I am growing and experiencing with Jacob makes me inexplicably happy. And not in the ecstatic thrill of a roller coaster (although there is a little bit of that), but in the stability of my heartbeat… I am washed over with a sense of calm and a contented smile. The future I want to have, has this person in it, and that is all.

 

Why not wait:

Why would I wait? If you want things done, you gotta do ’em. Only by doing them will you learn.

 

But you are so young:

Maybe I’m also too young to have decided I wanted to stop going to school? Maybe I am also too young to have a sex blog in which I hope to facilitate my peers in learning and experiencing? Maybe I am too young to be having sex at all? Maybe I am too young to have had as many partner as I have had? Maybe I am too young to own pets? Maybe I am too young to be supporting myself? Age is as relative as shoe size. Quoting the hubby-to-be: “I know myself and I know my choice.”

So, my dear and wonderful readers. This whole blog will take on an interesting new turning point in which this slut shall become a married slut….

I know. I’m curious, too. 😉

we look so normal…

 

that’s better…

17 thoughts on “So, I’m Getting Married

  1. Girl, I might think you’re crazy and impulsive, but I’m happy to see you so happy and am looking forward to dressing up and getting drunk in honour of your new path! Your choices might not be the same as my choices, but I wish you and Jake nothing but the best on your new adventure. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help make the next couple months of your busy life any easier.

    Sending SO MUCH LOVE ❤

  2. First, congrats to both of you! Second, I’m happily married for 4 years (together for 12) and we’re STILL in an open relationship (with some poly sprinkled along the way). Marriage is really just a formality, you don’t need to change anything if you don’t want to.

    Cheers! 🙂

  3. Well don’t you two look freakin’ gorgeous together…just deliciously happy!
    I’ll admit I’m a little jealous that you have found your “lobster” (remember the sketch in Friends? No? You Tube it!) but mainly I’m very very happy that you have found each other.

    Love much, love openly, love honestly and above all, love without expectation. I am a huge believer in not having to explain why or how we fall in love with people – if we had to explain it, we’d never do it! I hope you have a brilliant time together – cannot wait for the new chapter in your bloglife to unfold!

    with love,

    jem xx

  4. Hello Cailtlin, sister of Lauren. I dont know if you remember me.. Im Laurie, i did Canada World youth with Lauren last year and went to you house for a wonderful supper.. Im the french girl from Quebec. I loved the way you talked about getting married to him. I got married last year at the age of 21( And did not know him for a long time too.. But knew he was the one),Im totally happy about it and i had the whole bunch of questions as you. Im young, im I sure? Am I enought responsable? You guys dont knw each other for a long time? When I was reading you, I was able to see my thoughs in yours.. Thanks soo much to share it, i loved it and it was the first time i see someone talking about marriage as i see it. Good luck, this is a wonderful experience. I had no regrets and love him more than ever.
    Laurie xxxx
    PS: Pardon my english, im still learning 🙂

  5. Congratulations! I agree with you. My wife and I got married 6 months after we met. I didn’t feel it was too soon. I had never imagined I would ever want to be married, and here I was, very much wanting to give myself to her. Been married for well over a decade now. I still can’t imagine not having her in my life when I’m old and wrinkled.

  6. WOW! I’m so surprised, but so so happy for you at the same time Caitlin. 🙂 It makes me think about where I am in my path. Hahaha, not that I want to be getting married now or anything. As Ness said, your path is different from hers and likewise mine as well. You articulate everything so damn well and in such an understandably coherent way. I love it. Those questions are ones I would absolutely ask you, so thank you for clarifying so much and allowing me to see things in a brilliantly new and crystal-clear way. Not that I myself have experienced marriage, but so much is going to change in your life….. or, you know maybe not and that’s the point, maybe I’m thinking too traditionally and you Caitlin are beautifully unconventional and untraditional. So cheers to that and cheers to you. Congratulations for knowing what you want now, and going for it, for being confident and being you and being ever so wonderful and Congratulations for embarking upon this journey, I’m so excited for you. You will be missed. Body-Pride St. John?
    Love you mucho mucho
    xoxoxoxo
    Natasza

  7. Girl.

    You know I love you. I will buy you so many forget-me-nots. I will take so many pictures. I will write a speech and you will get emotional and blubbery. I will make sure you wear waterproof makeup and I will do your hair. I will mention how we met at an oil wrestling party.

    You know. All that best man shit.

  8. Congrats. I am so happy for you guys. My parents deceided to get married 3months after they met. They were an interratial couple in the sixties. My mum bought her own ring ( then he paid her back)they have married for 52years. What better way to spend lifes adventures, than with someone who wants to go on all the rides with you.

  9. OH MY GOD!!! you’re joining the club eh? lol, I just wanted to pop in and say congratulations!!! I am so proud to know someone so intelligent, curious and inspirational (in so many ways!!) and I also wish you the best of the best. This is a good chance to get a cake with life-size replicas of each other you . “May all your ups and downs be in the sheets” ❤ x0x0 Holls

  10. and by the way, it’s never too late or too early for love, so disregard people’s crap about marriage and youth. Tons of people get married for all the wrong reasons (money, looks, genetics, arranged lol) and love is not one of them, so rock out with ya cocks out! 🙂 love u and congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. MMM, I married a woman that I knew had slept around a lot but so had I. At first it was fantastic, the sex was great and being with someone so open about sexuality after being with women that could not even talk about it was so refreshing. But after months of marriage my sex drive dwindled a bit, mine did but not hers!
    We where used to having sex several times a week, almost every night in fact. As the times between sexual encounters became further and further apart I found she became harder to live with. It became apparent she needed sex almost constantly. I would come home early and find her in bed or in the tub masturbating. She had always been very open about that and it was a turn on for me. I would usually watch and get excited then join in. I had really no idea how much she was doing this until later.
    She went back to work and would call me mid-day and tell me she was just driving around during her lunch break playing with herself! And of course she would fill the hour driving home doing the same thing. Still she needed sex from me, all the time. She began to increase her collection of toys and started talking about BDSM and things.
    We talked about playing out different roles, one she really liked was to be in bed naked and have “someone” break into the house and take her. She didn’t want to know it was me, she wanted to be held down, blindfolded and tied up before lights where turned on. I told her I had to go out of town one Saturday night for work, I don’t think she believed that but she also didn’t say anything. I assumed she suspected the game was on.
    Around midnight I let myself into the back door, crept upstairs to find her in bed. I pushed her face down and pulled a hood over her head then tied her so she could not move. I could tell she had been completly asleep so I was sure she didn’t know, for sure, it was me.
    She wiggled and fought and began to beg to be let go. I put a ball gag in her mouth and let her stay there until she stopped fighting. The sight of her laying there helpless was a turn on for me, not that I would ever do anything like that without consent. I had her arms tied above her head and her legs spread open, tied to the corners.
    I waited for a long time, walking out of the bedroom and around the house. When I came back she heard me and began to fight against the ties so I turned her over as best I could and hit her ass several times, she began to whimper. I had put on cologne that I never used. I shaved myself completly before comeing over, losing my beard and all my crotch hair. Later she told me she was sure it was not me!
    I teased and licked every part of her. I was not gentle at all like I usually am. I put on a condom, I never wore them with her. As I entered she began to fight but I held her down and pushed as hard as I could. I used her for as long as I could stand it then pulled out. I waited then cut her legs loose and turned her over. We had tried anal sex before but it was not exciting for me and I quickly lost my erection but I knew she wanted that.
    I got some lube out and began rubbing it inside of her. She fought madly until I grabbed my belt and beat her ass. She layed there crying and I began to wonder if I had gone too far? I entered her anus, not gently but forcefully pushing it in. I know her and as soon as I did this she orgasmed, probably the most intense one I had ever seen! I could not help myself and came immediatally!
    At that point I was getting scared. What if she didn’t really want this and would be angry? I undid her ties and let her out of the hood and gag. She just looked at me and pulled me close. She told me that was the best experience she had ever had!
    Things got crazy after that. She began to talk about multiple men raping her. It took a lot of work but I finally found two other guys willing to play along. I tied her up and they came over, this time she had no hood on or gag. She begged to be let loose, she told me she changed her mind but she didn’t use the “safe” word. I watched as the two guys violated her in every way. When they where done they acted like they where paying me, giving me money (I had given them it before) and thanking me for the use of my whore wife. After they left I had sex with her while she was still tied up.
    She loved this so much she begged me to do it again but that is a longer story.

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