To Be A ‘Slut’

Every now and then my mother feels it is absolutely necessary to tell me to change the name of my website.

To her, a ‘slut’ is not something one should be referring to themselves as.

She tested this theory about a year ago when I had just started the blog and exclaimed to me in the car one day: “So, WHAT! Do you just want to be called a ‘slut’?!”

I reacted neutrally, shrugged my shoulders, and said “Yea. Sure.”

We just so happened to be on our way to a restaurant. A small, dimly lit place where people go to pay lots of money for a small glass of wine and delicious food.

When the waiter comes over to our table, my mother animatedly turns to me and says: “What do YOU want to eat, SLUT?”

That was a nice touch. Like the mother who attempts to turn their offspring off alcohol by giving them a six pack when they are twelve and saying to them: “You want to be like your dad! FINE. But that means you’ve got to really be like him. Drink all of these in one sitting.”

What my mother didn’t quite understand was that I was already pre-conditioned to being referred to as a ‘slut’.

Picture break.

Since I was 15 and lost my virginity, there has always been the girl-on-girl commentary about each other’s sluttishness.

A girl got fingered at Joe’s house?

She’s a slut.

But young girls seem to be in a constant state of sex deprivation and fiend off the stories their more ‘sexual’ friends have. I clearly remember how much more excited my friends were, compared to me, that I had lost my virginity. They loved the stories I brought them, but it always ended with “You slut”.

In my mother’s attempt to get me to rename the title I have already gotten copyrighted, she suggested I come up with a new word to describe a sexually active and intelligent female, ending the text conversation with: “Talk to you later, you SEW.”

I am fairly certain this was an attempt for her to tell me that “SEW” stood for “Sexually Enlightened Woman” or something of that distinction. I did not question her about it and have decided I’d like it to mean “Silly Ebullient Wombat”.

The point here… Somewhere… Is that I was not called a ‘SEW’ growing up. I was called a ‘slut’.

If multiple people tell you something enough times about yourself, anything from ‘you’re a bully’ to ‘you look like a gopher’, that’s gunna stick with you. That is how you will end up perceiving yourself as others see you – it has a degree of truth, of reality.

But being called a ‘slut’ was a negative thing. WAS.

The reason this blog is called ‘to be a slut’ is because I decided I wanted to own my sexuality, not have it defined for me by other people. If the awesome sexual decisions I make mean that I am a ‘slut’, than I am MORE than happy to comply, because fuck it, I really, really like sex. Like. A lot. So much so, that I have it. Often. With enthusiasm.

So with the SlutWalk movement, and the whole redonkulous situation with Rush Limbaugh, I say, women, use the word ‘slut’ with pride. Own that shit and no one will be able to stick you into their limited ideals of expressive sexuality.

yumm.

8 thoughts on “To Be A ‘Slut’

  1. I wrote a little about this in a blog post of my own: Caitlin Maguire (Your Skirt’s Too Short) examines the meaning of the word “slut” and comes to the conclusion that it means “to have more sexual partners than the user of the term finds acceptable”. According to that standard, I know plenty of people that would believe more than one sexual partner is not acceptable! It still totally amazes me that double standards exist where men and women are concerned; that a promiscuous woman is called a slut and a promiscuous male is just “going through that stage” or “sewing his wild oats before he has to settle down”.

    I was listening in on a conversation between two women a while ago. One was telling the other about her one-night-stands. The response to this was, “You’re just being used.” The promiscuous one, slightly perplexed, replied, “But I’m using them just as much as they’re using me!” And she makes a good point! The implication is that women are the passive ones, not really enjoying the sex, but doing it out of “low self-esteem”. The promiscuous woman went on to explain that she wasn’t hooking up with “predators” – they were young adults who were always respectful, lovely, funny and great fun to be around. Her point was – she had the discretion to choose who she wanted, and her instincts hadn’t let her down thus far. What a way to look at it!

    Maguire argues that to go with the belief that sex should be used by women to “bait men into a relationship” and that women need to make men “work for sex” and use sex to get love, then you must also believe that men are “emotionless and valueless and will say and do anything for a root, and that women’s only ‘power’ lies in controlling access to our vaginas. It also ignores the fact that, sometimes, what ‘we women’ want men to ‘give’ us is a bout of hot mutually-satisfying, manipulation-free sex.”

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