Oh WordPress, how you allow me the superpower ability to swallow criticism and approach with a calm, straight-faced demeanor.
I received a comment about how having sex with a drunk person is rape.
After getting extremely irritated by my wife (Read: Roommate/Non-sexual Life Partner) who told me there was no grey areas in such scenarios, and there should always be the conversation between two parties before they get freaky:
Caitlin: Hey [Caitlin makes sexy eyes and bites lip in a failed provocative manner]
Victim:… Uh, hi… [Victim takes a step backwards]
Caitlin: I like your chin whiskers. Mind if I [pause for repetitive blinking and lip pucker] stroke them? [Caitlin’s breathing becomes noticeably heavier]
This can go three ways:
A) Victim: Yes, please! I love it when my chin whiskers are stroked! [Proceed to whisker-stroking foreplay]
B) Victim: Caitlin, listen, I think you’re a great person [cough], but I’m just not into you that way. [Caitlin removes her shirt and proceed to sexy time without whisker-stroking foreplay]
C) Victim: Have you taken your pills today Caitlin?
Anyhow… (I’m aware my point was lost somewhere amongst the apparent enjoyment I just got out of writing a mini screenplay…) BUT – I don’t think this is a conversation people would naturally take part in. It would go something more like this:
Caitlin and her victim have been at a bar all night. Caitlin happens to be a very hands-on people person and has had her hand on Victim’s knee, their hand, their face, their sideburns, as she gets progressively more intoxicated. Caitlin and Victim have been havin’ a swell ol’ time recounting their days in elementary school and relating about how shitty the ‘man’ is and that everyone should just get naked and live in trees.
If I were the Victim and not Caitlin… I would read the above scenario:
1. Caitlin is just a very touchy person and writes a sex blog – it’s in her nature to be affectionate and talk about nudity.
2. Caitlin is totes into me. She is touching me everywhere and is talking about getting naked. SCORE.
3. I have no fucking clue what’s going on in this girls head. I ain’t gunna do nothing unless she does.
My point here, and I didn’t lose it, is that it’s just one big friggin’ grey area.
I asked Facebook the following question: In regards to sexual consent: Where can we draw the line with ‘rape’ – Should one always have to ask for permission to be physically intimate with another person?
Out of the twelve people who answered (this is not scientifically researched people who stumble upon this blog: this is me asking my Facebook friends their opinions, take a chill pill), 7 people answered “It should always be talked about.”
BUT FIVE PEOPLE DIDN’T.
A quote from someone that answered differently:
Can’t answer your question. Consent is something which can be given through many modes of communication, only able to be truly classified in the moment. I do think it should always be had, but I don’t think it matters whether a body or a mouth give it. The problem with the rape thing is either being too stupid to figure out the difference between consent and not, and I think mostly, not waiting for it.
It seems reasonable, no?
This post is just a little foreplay to one that is up-and-coming. Which will be well-researched when I have all my sex books in front of me (written by people way smarter than me) and not just an empty coffee mug and confusing consent laws in front of me…