Porn: A Billion Wicked Thoughts

Last month (holy shit my last post was a month ago… dammit summer! Quit distracting me!) I talked about porn for men and women and how we all think different and whatnot… This month: I shall paint you the picture of WHAT it is that is searched for in the pornolands of yesteryears. Or something like that.

All of the following information has been extracted from the work of genius ‘A Billion Wicked Thoughts’, so, if you have an issue with any of the data, go a knockin’ on their door instead of badgering me.

The most popular sexual interests searched for appear in this order:

1. Youth
2. Gay
3. MILF’s
4. Breasts
5. Cheating Wives
6. Vaginas
7. Penises

“What are we to make of the fact that cheating wives (#5) are more popular than butts (#21) or cheerleaders (#79)? Why is youth (#1) so much more popular than anything else? […] some of the most popular sexual interests are commonly held to be squicks. For example, transexuals (#17) are more popular than celebrities (#23) or Asians (#29).”

For those of you who are unaware, the term ‘squick’ is used to describe kinks that you find gross as opposed to a turn on. An example: most people find coprophilia (the sexual fetish of defecation) to be a ‘squick’.

Now, I’m sure I’ve said this before on this here said blog, but the only normal thing about sex, is that we have been unable to find that baseline on which to describe normal- on the premise that it is a darned hard thing to get clean data on, and because everyones sexual identities are so widespread and unique that the baseline is more or less non-existent. From which we conclude in regards to (most) things sexual: LET CHO FREAK FLAG FLY.

But the awesome thing about this book is that these genius guys took the one thing that we can get a decent understanding of sexuality from: the internet.

Learning what it is people search for and what there are markets for gives us an insiders view into billions of wicked thoughts. And, the outcome:

“So now that we’ve categorized all 55 million [searches], just how diverse is the full list of Homo sapiens’ sexual interests as expressed on the Internet? Not very diverse, it turns out. Just twenty different interests account for 80% of all searches. That’s rather remarkable. With less than two dozen interests, you can satisfy the desires of almost everyone who uses a search engine to find erotic content. In fact, the thirty-five top interests account for 90% if all searches. This doesn’t include cheerleaders (#79), massage (#51) or virgins (#61). This means that most people’s desires are clustered together into a relatively small set of common interests. When it comes to our kinks, we all have a lot more in common than you might think.”

Madonna, 2010. I'd tap that.

The top five ages searched for appear in this order: 16, 18, 50, 40, 60.

More men search for fifty-year-olds than they search for nineteen-year-olds.

What is the single most popular search term users enter into the PornHub search engine: Mom.

Dammit, Madonna.

(Since teen content is highly visible and easily accessible on PornHub, users may be more likely to manually type in searches for content they don’t immediately see.)

“A 2010 study found that women age 27-45 have more sexual fantasies, a greater willingness to have one-night stands, and a greater willingness to have casual sex than women in other age ranges.”

Out of the 42, 337 most popular adult websites on the internet, 313 of them are granny sites. Smacking evolutionary science in the face, a large amount of research has concluded that men prefer smooth skin to wrinkly skin, and long, lustrous hair to short, gray frizz.

The two countries boasting the highest interest in granny porn are Kenya and England.

“In Kenya, the ‘rules of sexual shame’ encourage young people to discuss sexual matters with grandparents. […] the grandmother is often the confidante of her grandchildren regarding sexual experiences and sexual technique. In fact, for many [boys], their first acquisition of sexual knowledge from a woman comes from an older woman.

“Following a somewhat different pattern, the United Kingdom features a widespread boarding school culture involving strict rules, corporal punishment, and severe, elderly matrons. ‘There’s a lot of interest in older ladies from the Brits because when a lot of them were schoolboys they were spanked or slapped or pinched by a schoolmarm. […] It might have been their first intimate contact with a woman’.”

For every search for a ‘skinny’ girl, there are almost three searches for a ‘fat’ girl.

Just a little something. Who doesn't love a good bum?!

Of the 42, 337 most popular adult sites, 504 of them are explicitly dedicated to heavy ladies. And only 182 explicitly dedicated to skinny ones.

“Breasts, no matter what size, are the most popular body part in sexual searches in every country we looked at, including the United States, Russia, India, Germany, Japan, and Saudi Arabia. Breasts is the third most popular category of sexual search – and the most popular category exclusive to heterosexual men.”

Of the 42, 337 most popular adult sites, 276 of them are foot sites. Only one of them is a hand-based site.

1, 072 of them that feature heterosexual porn with large penises.

“The fact of the matter is that men are more interested in penises than women are – and men are much more interested in large penises than women are. In a recent academic survey, […] 15% of women reported dissatisfaction with their partner’s penis size, while 45% of men wanted a larger penis.”

And lastly for this collage of a post: Animation, including non-Japanese cartoons is the 9th most popular category of sexual searches.

Shazam!

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