A while back (in December, when I was overwhelmed by end of term art projects and essay writing) I wrote an article about the effects of watching pornography on the neurological wiring of a person.
It is brilliant (because I wrote it…), but I think I missed a whack load of really important information that kind of needs to be taken in tandem with me telling you that watching mass amounts of gang bangs on the internet will sway your brain into believing it will need these images in order to get off (the evident down fall here is that, typically (and note that I do say ‘typically’ in understanding that there are very many different types of sex lives out there- you people are so finicky), your average sexual interaction is with just one other person, and unless you have a handful of horny, imaginary friends, it will be difficult to re-enact a gang bang while you are having interactions with just this one other (real) person).
But here’s the deal:
Porn ain’t going anywhere.
So how do we take it for what it is and still allow the possibility of keeping our brain at an equilibrium of fantasy and reality that we can enjoy both?
Long pause for dramatic effect:
I don’t flipping know.
You’ve got me. The sexiest of the sexy has no answer to this really annoying question.
Quite honestly, this post should have been up and running a few weeks ago, but I was sticking my nose into books and other people’s business trying to rub up against something enlightening.
Enlightenment has failed me. As it usually does when you search for it.
But, what I came out of this search with was a lot of information. Information that is just really good to know. So I will blabber on a bit and see what comes out of it. Bear with me.
So… I’ve dated a lot of men (brushes dust off shoulder, *insert sleazy face*), and undoubtedly, they’ve usually ended up asking me what it is I write about, which takes an interesting turn in conversation, and I can confidently say that 9.5/10 of men (clarification: of the men who have made the reckless decision to hang out with me) have or do watch the pornography.
Some information (from “A Billion Wicked Thoughts“, authors Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam):
“In 1991, the year the World Wide Web went online, there were fewer than ninety different adult magazines published in America. […] Just six years later, in 1997, there were about nine hundred pornography sites on the Web. Today, the filtering software CYBERsitter blocks 2.5 million adult Web sites. As the puppets in the Broadway musical Avenue Q sing, ‘The Internet is for porn’.”
With this kind of information, we can conclude that pornography is pretty much unavoidable. It is there. Pornography exists and it ain’t gunna get anybody nowhere if we just try and ignore it.
I asked you, Facebookians, “What do we think of porn?”
Generally speaking, there was a lot of positivity in relation to it. But there was one particular answer that garnered my attention:
“Kind of hurts when you have a boyfriend who makes a habit out of it. Especially when you first find out. Is kind of unnecessary. […] My boyfriend used to watch it, and our relationship really just felt like nothing- worthless.”
This viewpoint is fairly popular one of a lot of women. A similarly con-porn female friend of mine would take the time to go through the browser history on the computer owned by her boyfriend (of three years) and if she saw anything remotely close to supplying attraction, erection and orgasm, she would confiscate his computer mouse.
There are a lot of folks, I’d believe, who would find this to be an… ineffective solution. An infliction on his autonomy and free will, an attempt at controlling the actions of another person on a very intimate level. And to be quite honest, if I were him, I would likely react very negatively to her attempt at trying to control my sexuality (but that may just be my prerogative and my HELLS YEAH approach to anything naughty…). But stepping outside of the situation, I understand her frustration. Mainly, what’s going on in the female brain is “Shouldn’t I be enough?”
When really truly, it has nothing to do with that. I recently had a male friend tell me that after he spent all weekend having fantastic awesome sex with his partner/lover he had to masturbate to porn of other women afterwards. We are just wired for variety.
This much is true: A significant amount more men than women use the internet to satisfy their sexual desires. Subscriptions to porn sites are so massively from men that any under women’s name are often denied in assumption that they are frauds.
But, and I believe that this is the most important piece of information to remember when talking of issues of men, the brain and porn, is that women DO use the internet to satisfy their own desires, the content is just different.
FanFiction.net gets 1.8 million visitors a month. The majority of it’s users are women. Following closely are StephanieMyers.com, eHarlequin.come, and AdultFanFiction.net.
“On the Web, men prefer images. Women prefer stories. Men prefer graphic sex. Women prefer relationships and romance.”
(And too much information: I totally used to read really inappropriate fan fiction when I was 13. Ever imagined what a love affair between Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy would be like? Fucking hot is what. This stuff was my crack and I will full on tell you it did the same thing for me that porno does for guys: Turned. Me. On.)
And here’s where things get awesome. I imagine there are some of you sitting here reading this and thinking to yourself: This is ridiculous. Is she really comparing my passionate, Edward and Bella love affair with his blonde, fake-boobied, computer screen bimbo?
And this is me saying (again) HELLS YEAH I AM.
I can’t deny my biological responses: I read all four Twilight books in a week. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I am an English major. I read books in order to delve into metaphors and capture the deep, brilliant insight of a genius mind, not to teach myself to fantasize about finding a sickeningly attractive vampire watching me sleep (sidenote: seriously. Wtf…) I hated myself during and after this week long period because it felt I had lost all brain capacity to think critically of literature… I had to consciously sit there and stare at myself in the mirror to try and dislodge my mind from day-dreaming about werewolves.
Females: Twilight is an awful excuse for a novel. But it is fucking hot. THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE – YOUR CRACK BOOKS – THEY ARE PORN. FOR WOMEN.
“In the same way that women often find the breathless gasping and moaning of female porn to be absurdly inauthentic, male readers of romances might find the emotional confessions of romance heroes to be strangely unfamiliar.[…] The process of the hero getting in touch with his tender side is one of the greatest pleasures of the romance.”
Alls I’m sayin’ is: We all have our own vices.
Too many females expect men to just step into the shoes of every hero in romance movies, novels and the like. Which is fine, a lot of men probably should wade out of the blood flow to their nether regions and gather some wits about them, but let’s be rational: it is very unlikely any boy will ever come close to Edward or Romeo or that dude from the Notebook.
And balance is important.
To the men: A lot of porn is staged. I’m sure you are aware of this by now. As I tell the females to avoid trying to squish you into a role that is not yours, don’t try and turn the ladies into your own personal porn stars. Well… you can a little. The balance thing is important though. And generally speaking, most women don’t like you cumming on their faces. (Most.)
Lastly, to stamp this in, men and women think differently:
“In the male realm of pornotopia, sex is sheer lust and physical gratification, devoid of courtship, commitment, durable relationships, or mating effort. Porn videos contain minimal plot development, focusing instead on the sex acts themselves and emphasizing the display of female bodies. […] The female fantasy realm of romantopia is quite different. The goal of a romance novel’s heroine is never sex for its own sake, much less impersonal sex with strangers.”