The Clitoris: Rub me I’m magic.

Welcome back my lovelies. I know all of you have been thoroughly interested in the sex, as I have appeared to have gotten more views in two days on this new, shiny clean blog, than I had in the first two months of another (less interesting?) blog.

Something has shocked me out of my knickers.

What is that, Caitlin?

As you may have guessed, due to the title of this post, it has to do with the CLITORIS. (Capital letters because it is on par with things like epiphanies, the Roman Empire and the smell of fall: aka, it is EPIC.) And guess what?!

Every female has one!!!
(Remove from grand generalization: those unfortunately molested and raped by female mutilation, and an FYI to anyone who thinks they have “lost” theirs: 25% of women who are ‘sexually dysfunctional’ really have just been hit with a hood thats too tight. Seriously- the lovely layer of flesh protecting that gem from rubbing up against absolutely everything, is too long and too tight, but is easily fixable, like a female circumcision (NOT mutilation) .)

The shocking portion here, and I kid you not, is that I have had MORE than one female friend comment to me that she has no idea where her clit is.
It is absurd to me that after having spent 20+ years with one body, you wouldn’t ever be curious to check things out.
Regardless. THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.

EVERYONE MUST KNOW WHERE THE CLITORIS IS.

(Except gay males…)

Women and Men: You do not need a personalized map for each body – our lovely bodies have not adapted to restructure the whereabouts of such a brilliant organ every time a new generation comes along. The penis has always been where the penis is, the clit has always been where the clit is: it is always in the same place, sometimes you have to find your way, but that shit don’t move.

And here is a picture of a wall of vagina moulds. This is the type of thing they post in “Sexologists United”. Find the clitorises! (Clitori? Clits? *Searches* Ha! Clitorides!)

You’re welcome for that.

Note now that I likely won’t be posting any damn anatomy images on this blog. You folks are smart enough to walk your fingers on over to the search bar and google image that shit for yourself. This is a classy place. Of vagina moulds and (awful) metaphors.

Here is a quote from someone smarter than me:

Only 28% of women said they could orgasm from intercourse alone. Of the 1,500 women in the Glamour study, 38% said they need manual stimulation of the clitoris to orgasm, 21% said they need oral sex, and 3% said they need a vibrator. The conclusion from this research is clear: Most women require direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.

This is common sense to me, and it might be to you. But hey, here I am reminding myself that I’ve spoken face to face with females who DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHERE IT WAS.
So, for those of you who haven’t heard this before, listen up: the clitoris is magic, and you have an endless supply of wishes.

Right. Some more hilarity:
Back in the day, “hysteria” was a common “illness” among women (you can look into this if you’d like, I’m summarizing). The genius doctors (men, of course), decided that it was linked to lack of blood flow and “sexual dysfunction” and began to massage the clitoris to orgasm as a means of treatment. No lie. (Female rub ‘n’ tug, anyone?)
And anyone who has witnessed a female after climax will note the euphoric, distant glaze of her eyes to know that this state is quite likely the direct opposite of “hysteric”- so why not prescribe some orgasms nowadays to those overly-wound?

This was how vibrators were invented. The doctors hands got tired.

What am I telling you here? What have I gained from my vast experiences with naked bodies?

Know your own- or at least where things are located. And men, I know you know yours (most of it anyways – but the wonders of the bum is a completely different post), so if you are dating a lovely lady that is lost and confused, or you haven’t been treatin’ her female penis in the right way, jump up on that junk and rub her the right way.

4 thoughts on “The Clitoris: Rub me I’m magic.

  1. Do I get to be first reply?
    I was intending to discuss the doctor thing with you earlier today after informing some unremarkables of it. Do you suppose hysteria cases were higher in regions with attractive doctors?
    Female penes are less pleasant than clitorides, if you are to describe them that way. Something as feminine as that should always be female and female is one thing penes most certainly are not.

  2. female circumcision ≠ female “mutilation” ≠ rape.
    maybe do your homework before equating cultural practices with rape…

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